FINALLY!

On November 21, 2014, my debut novel, BEHIND THE MASK went 'live' on Amazon.com and I remember the exact moment it happened.  I was bombarded with a slew of emotions, that ranged from exhilaration to sheer panic. Up until that point, only a few people had read the book and not many were even aware that I was writing a novel.  So, putting myself out there was both frightening and exciting at the same time.  Expectations weren't high, as I wasn't known as a writer.  People weren't sure what they were going to get from me, but it was worth a shot.  If they hated it, there wasn't much I could do about it.  As a very good friend of mine always says, "it is what it is!" However, the positive feedback I received, put my nerves at ease and boosted my confidence.  Along with giving me the courage to continue writing.

Fast forward four years later and all those anxiety riddled emotions are back with a vengeance as I just released my second book (and sequel) UNMASKED.  Though I can honestly say, having gone through this whole process before, I'm definitely way more prepared this time.  That said, I feel slightly more pressure to meet the expectations of the readers who have patiently waited for its release.  But I think their enthusiasm for finding out what happens to the characters of Remi and Liam, quiets the nerves somewhat.  These books have been my babies so to speak and though I know you can't please everyone hopefully they've been entertained.

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

Kindle Countdown Deal - Behind the Mask

Before the upcoming release of the sequel, I'm doing a Kindle sale of the first one.  

Beginning Thursday, January 11th, 2018, my novel, Behind the Mask (Kindle edition) will be available for $.99 at Amazon.com.

This deal will run until Thursday, January, 18th, 2018.

Click this link to check it out:  Behind the Mask Amazon.com

If you don't have a Kindle, click the following the links to download a free Kindle App for Android and a free Kindle App for Apple products.  

Happy New Year 2018!!!

It's been a while since I've updated this blog...almost two years to be exact. WOW, that's bad!  I could come up with a million excuses why, but the legit one is that I haven't spent a lot of time on social media or the internet and spent more time trying to finish the sequel to Behind the Mask.  For those who don't know, Behind the Mask, is my debut novel that I self-published on Amazon (for Kindle) in November of 2014.  The paperback version became available in April of 2015.  That novel took many, many years to complete, and the reasons why were because when I began writing it, I didn't think I would actually do anything with it.  And because I was afraid to put myself out there.  It took me a long time to allow people to read it.  But, I digress. The sequel didn't take nearly as long as the first book, and I had a good portion of it completed a long time ago, however, I just felt it wasn't ready and constantly needed tweaking.  I'm harder on myself than anybody could ever be, that's for sure.

I learned a lot from the mistakes I had made with the first book and what I need to do with this one. Going the self-publishing route again, will alleviate the grief from literary agent rejections this time around and will allow me the ability to get the book out as soon as I want to.  The downside, I have to do everything myself.  There's no publishing 'team' to help.  But that's okay, I did things a little differently this time.  A close friend of mine edited it for me. Last time, a friend from high school went through it after I had published it and picked out some errors for me, which I appreciated greatly, and I know had I asked her before I had published it, she would have edited it for me (but stubborn me thought my editing was enough).  I was able to fix some of the mistakes, but even now I still catch some when I skim through that book and debate on whether I should fix them.  Or just let them be.  UGH!!!  Getting back to the sequel, having someone edit and go over it with me has been wonderful and what a difference it makes having someone point out mistakes I clearly missed, even after reading it a thousand times.  I also hired a professional designer to do the cover, which was so worth the price, because for Behind the Mask, that little pink diamond on a white background was created by me, which showcased my lackluster Photoshop skills.  I wanted the sequel's cover to look great and the idea I had, I knew there was no way I could have pulled that off myself.

So, I know I keep talking about the sequel, but conveniently haven't mentioned the title or posted an image of the cover.  I promise that's coming VERY soon.

There are a couple of other things I wanted to update in regards to my writings.  The first, I have my own website now called heathercarnassale.com.  It's not officially 'live' yet.  I'm doing it through Wordpress, which I found is not as easy to navigate as Blogger (just my opinion).  It's a work in progress but I'm getting there.  I'm one of those people that is determined to figure something out at all costs, almost to a fault.  I'll be launching it soon, probably before it's fully ready, but like I said, it's a work in progress.

The second thing, I'm going to do away with the Behind the Mask Facebook page, which most of you know I'm horrible at updating that thing. I think it's more to do with my love/hate relationship I have with Facebook in general than it is with the actual page itself, but I've decided that changing it over to an author page makes more sense now that there will be two books.  And my goal is to do a better job at updating it.

It's a new year and time for me to get myself back into the game!  Hopefully, my readers haven't given up on me!

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

Kindle Countdown Deal - Behind the Mask

Beginning Wednesday, March 16th, 2016, my novel, Behind the Mask (kindle edition) will be available for $.99 at Amazon.com.

This deal will run until Wednesday, March 23rd, 2016.

Click this link to check it out:  Behind the Mask Amazon.com

If you don't have a Kindle, click the following the links to download a free Kindle App for Android and a free Kindle App for Apple products.  

Updates!

It's obvious that I haven't updated this blog in a very long time.  I could come up with a slew of excuses, some are good reasons, others not so much, but I pretty much just stopped blogging for a while.  So, instead of me posting tons of separate entries on things that have happened, here is a condensed version.

As past entries as stated and as my title of the blog gives it away, I am a novelist.  A self-published one that is. And back in November of 2014, I self-published my first novel, Behind the Mask on Amazon and for the past year I've been writing the sequel to it, which I'm proud to say, I'm finally almost finished, the first draft. But I've sort of slacked on promoting the first book while I worked on the second book, which I realize now that was kind of stupid so I'm going to get back into promoting the first, get the sequel finished, edited, and make that one available to the public.  

I also haven't given up having Behind the Mask and it's sequel published by an actual publisher but right now just finishing the second novel is my main goal.  

Let's see, back in October I quit drinking McDonald's Sweet tea COLD TURKEY!  For those who know me, or who have read my post about my caffeine/McD's Sweet Tea addiction are most likely shocked at this happening.  Especially being that it's March 2016 and I haven't caved yet and bought one.  A friend of mine said McDonald's probably put a picture of my face on their sweet tea cups, with the caption:  Heather - Missing in Action.  Plus, the workers at the local McDonald's, that I frequented all the time, are probably what happened to me, because I haven't set foot inside of the place since I quit.  Like a true addict, I figure it's best to just avoid the substance altogether, so I avoid the establishment just to be safe.  But I also gave up all caffeine, because I felt it just wasn't good for me anymore.  Not that I turned into some big health nut, trust me, ain't gonna happen, I gave up caffeine, not sugar!  But now when I want a Coca-cola, I drink Caffeine-free, if I want hot tea or coffee I just drink decaf.

In February of 2011, I posted about my issues with migraines.  Sad to say, in 2016 I still get them, but I've got a better handle on them.  Thanks to me finally seeing a neurologist.  Only took me 25 years.  That's what stubbornness and plain old stupidity will do when you just accept something as is, instead of actually doing something to rectify the problem.  For years, I took Imitrex (sumatriptan) when I felt a migraine coming on and for the most part, it would make a headache go away, or at least, lessen the pain.  Except at certain times, I would get severe migraines in which the Imitrex was useless, usually because I would puke it right back up.  In 2015, I began to log dates and times of when I was getting the headaches, and they were consistent with hormones or in females terms ovulation and menstruation.  By November, I couldn't stand it any longer.  The severe ones were coming more often, and when I say severe, I'm talking three days in bed, in excruciating pain, puking, dry heaving, and eventually becoming dehydrated.  The final straw came in December when I told my husband to drive me to the emergency room because I just couldn't take it, and after pumping me full of narcotics and anti-nausea medications, the ER doc admitted me.  He felt I should be observed and treated for 24 hours, which thankfully was the smart move because even after many doses of narcotics, the migraine still hadn't subsided.  I also had a CAT scan done which yielded nothing because I pretty much knew hormones were the main culprit.  Well, the next day, a neurologist visited me and once I explained my situation, she felt preventative migraine medication might be a good route for me.  So, that's what I did.  I now take a medication called Topamax.  I take it daily and though it's not a cure-all, I still get migraines during certain times of the month, the Topamax does stop the frequency and the severity of them. I also have an injectable form of Imitrex so if by some chance, I do end up with a severe one, I can administer a shot, which bypasses my stomach, therefore, I won't vomit the medication.  Hopefully, I never have to use one.  It's only been a few months of taking the Topamax but so far so good.

As I've done so many times before, knock on wood!

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist 

Annoyed!

Narcissism:  extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Google.com)

Self-centeredness:  too interested in yourself and not caring about the needs or feelings of other people (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Two words that pretty much mean the same thing, but at the same time, are slightly different.  

As of late, I’ve come across various people that seem to fit both, perfectly.

You know the ones, who only think of themselves, and feel only their lives matter.  They completely disregard others’ feelings and act entitled. 

They show zero support in something you’ve accomplished and yet expect you to support them regardless that they completely just dissed you. 

Never ask how you are feeling or what’s going on in your life, because it's apparent, that person just doesn’t care. 

I know we can all be selfish to a degree and its normal, but some people take it to the extreme.  And basically treat you as if you don't even exist, or more like they wish you didn't.  

All of this leads up to not wanting to be the bigger person anymore.  For whatever reasons why you choose not to rock the boat so to speak, do you ever get to a point where you've just had enough?  

Because biting one's tongue gets old and tiresome!

- Heather Carnassale - aka the Delusional Novelist 

Image Source:  Thecreativebridge.com

What's Going On?

I've been slacking on the blog again.  My bad!

Mainly because for past month or so I've been completely focused on two things.  One, working on the sequel to my novel, Behind the Mask.  And second, trying to decide on a paperback cover for it.  

It's been crazy and frustrating at the same time.  The cover not the sequel.

The sequel is progressing very nicely and I'm hoping the first draft will be completed sometime in the next few months if not sooner. But of course a first draft is a VERY rough draft.  And would be nowhere near ready to publish. But considering it took me many years to complete Behind the Mask, I'm WAY ahead of the game with this one.  

Now about the paperback cover.  When I decided to self-publish, for some reason I was dead set on using 'eyes' on the cover.  But over time I've realized it's not really what I want to go with.  So after much debate, I've finally decided on something else.  That said, putting it all together hasn't been easy.  

But hopefully in the next week or so I will have it finalized and make the paperback available as soon as possible.

Keeping the fingers crossed!

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

Fifty Shades of Grey - The Movie

Fifty Shades of Grey - IMDB.com

Let me begin this post by stating, I have read the first two books of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, quite awhile ago, but the third book is sitting unread on my Kindle.  I will eventually read it, just haven't done so yet.

Now to the movie.  I was looking forward to seeing it as I was very curious on how it was going to be played out on the big screen. And when the original casting came out with Charlie Hunnam, I was stoked, because as a fan of the TV show Sons of Anarchy I thought he could totally pull off the Christian Grey role. And I wasn't sure about Dakota Johnson portraying Anastasia Steele, having only seen her small part in The Social Network but she seemed cute enough.  Well then Charlie dropped out and Jamie Dornan was cast.  And at the time I only knew who he was from years back when he was a Calvin Klein model who dated actress Kiera Knightley.

So I looked him up on internet and found out he starred in a BBC television show called, The Fall, where his character Paul Spector, is a serial killer.  I binged watched all of the episodes on Netflix and thought not only was the show very well done, Jamie was great in it.  So I figured he'd probably be good as Christian Grey, though I know many who didn't feel the same way.

Especially over the past few months and more specifically in the past few weeks, I've read and heard tons of negative reviews about the movie and the casting.  Everything from how there was a lack of chemistry between Dornan and Johnson to how degrading the plot was to women.

That said, I never go by critics reviews, there are tons of movies I absolutely adore that were panned by many people.  Can't please everyone.  And I would think one would have to be living under a rock to not know what Fifty Shades of Grey is about.  But what I think some people forget is that it's just a MOVIE and not a PSA (public service announcement).  It's fictional characters in a fictional story for entertainment purposes.  If one is offended at the fact that there's BDSM (bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism) then just don't go see it.

In regards to the BDSM in the movie, most of it was eluded to and anything closely hardcore was shown in a way that wasn't too over the top.  And without spoiling it for those who haven't read the book or haven't seen the movie yet, there's only one specific time where the action of 'punishing' was hard to watch, but not because of the actual act, more so of the effectiveness of Ana's pain, both physically and emotionally. I credit Dakota Johnson for adding many layers to that scene and the character itself. And to the critics that stated Jamie Dornan wasn't convincing as a Dominant, I don't know much about BDSM but he was pretty convincing to me.  He sure looked like he knew was he was doing and portrayed Grey as being conflicted by it.

Plus Grey isn't supposed to be a 'fun and carefree' kind of guy, at least in the book he didn't come off like that.  He's reserved and kind of lacking in personality.  That's not an insult, it's just the way he is and I thought Jamie did a great job conveying that.

I believed the chemistry between them worked.  But I do know chemistry is subjective, so maybe not all agree with me.

The movie itself was beautifully shot. Director Sam Taylor-Johnson put a lot of effort into the aesthetics and scenery. The buildings, Christian's office, his penthouse, even Ana's apartment, had such great detail, that it was pleasing to watch.  Plus I also think the director did a great job showing why Ana was so torn about Christian and his alternative lifestyle.

There was a good balance between the amount of sex scenes and their relationship outside of them.  And honestly I felt the scenes were tastefully done, even the more 'adventurous' ones.  Nothing too graphic, though it was an R-rating, not NC-17.  There was nudity, more so on Dakota's part, which I give her major props for it cause she had to strip down to nothing quite a few times and that couldn't have been easy to do on a movie set and for the whole world to see on the big screen.

Overall, I really liked it. I went in with an open mind and was pleasantly surprised.  The supporting cast was good and the soundtrack is awesome.  The movie doesn't take itself too seriously so neither should the movie goers who choose to see it.  It probably isn't for everyone but that could be said for most movies.  To each his/her own I say.

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

My 15th Rejection Letter!

When I mailed the original batch of book synopses and query letters back in June 2014, I honestly didn't expect I'd receive a response almost 8 months later.

Well that's exactly what happened today.

After removing the mail from the box, I noticed something familiar.  It was one of my envelopes with my self-addressed label on the front of it. And then I recognized the name on the return address as one of the literary agents I had mailed a synopsis to.  

And what did that agent say:  Sorry not for us.

Already sensing it was another rejection, my son opened it up for me.  But it's all good, now that I self-published my novel I feel it is what it is.  But don't get me wrong, I would absolutely LOVE it if a literary agent wants to represent me and help get my book published.  Or if an actual publisher wants to do it. That would be fabulous. But as I've stressed before, I'm a realist when it comes to the world of writing and publishing. 

And I've accepted that I might always just be a self-published author and believe there's nothing wrong with that.  Like I've said before, it's awesome that authors have the ability to self-publish their work and put it out there for the whole world to read. 

I feel very lucky to have that option.  

So I will stick this 15th rejection letter with the other 14 and keep on writing!

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist 

THANK YOU!!!!

It's been exactly 2 months since I self-published my novel, Behind the Mask.

And I'm beyond grateful to all those who bought it, read it and supported it.  Not that I was feeling negative, but I wasn't prepared for all the love I got for it.

I sold way more than I expected and though I had always planned on a sequel, the fact the readers have requested it have given me the extra incentive I needed to get the ball rolling.

I've been working on the sequel for a while now but hadn't begun to really put it together until recently.  And it's coming along nicely.

I certainly can't take 6 years to write it, that's for sure.  But I've learned a lot about the writing process and feel I've corrected the mistakes I made.  This time, I'm writing without second-guessing or overthinking it.  The best thing for me to do is first, just write it through THEN go back and edit it.

With Behind the Mask, I would constantly write a few pages then go back, change my mind and start all over.  I REFUSE to do that this time.

So again, I just wanted to thank everyone because though I didn't start writing seeking validation, it still feels damn good receiving it.  Ain't gonna to lie, knowing people enjoyed the story and the characters have made it all worth while for me.

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

Image source:  Chaloner.com

Something So Simple...That Means So Much!

Over the past year or so my now 15 year-old son, Matt and I have had our arguments, which consists of his typical teenager attitude and my apparent constant nagging. In fact by the end of the summer, we ended up not even speaking to one another for an entire day.  (which sucked)

We've always had a great relationship with little moments here and there of not getting along.  But a lot of that stemmed from me being a stay-at-home mom who had a tendency to do everything for him then felt unappreciated and the fact we were always around each other.  Basically we got on each other's nerves.

And now that he's a freshman in high school, he does his own thing and though he's still very much family oriented, he also doesn't want me hovering. That said, usually on Sundays we go over to my parent's house to watch football, especially the Philadelphia Eagles.  But yesterday since the Eagles were the later game, Matt and I stayed home and watched NFL Redzone.  Then watched the Eagles.  I have to add in here that my husband plays fantasy football but could care less about actually watching any of the games so this is something I have in common with Matt.  I may not be the coolest mom on the block but I love sports and this momma can hang with the best of them. 

Anyway, I digress.  So we managed to get through the whole day and through an Eagles loss to the Seahawks, without arguing.  But even better, I found Matt's old Playstation 2 system in his closet and he wanted to hook it up and play a Spongebob Squarepants game that he and I used to play when he was 9 years-old.  He now has a PS3 (and soon a PS4) that he always plays online, with his friends, not with me.  So to my surprise, last night he wanted me to play the Spongebob game with him. At first, we weren't even sure the system was going to work, but it did.  And the funny thing was, when the game began, it displayed the last time the Spongebob game had been played.  It was December 15, 2008.  Almost exactly 6 years ago. Seeing that made me realize just how much time does fly, as I remembered playing that game with him every single day for weeks.  

And though yes I'm sure some would frown upon the whole video gaming thing, it was something he and I enjoyed doing together.  But as he grew up, we got away from it.  Except for the occasional Wii bowling...still love doing that by the way!  

But the point of the story is, he could have easily played that Spongebob game by himself and breezed through it on his own.  But he wanted me to play too.  And he has no idea how much that made my day.  Like the title says, something so simple, that means so much.

Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist 

Class of 1989!

Tonight is my 25th high school reunion.  And to even type that seems crazy.  I remember high school as if it were yesterday.  Which obviously it's not.  And even stranger, my son is a high school freshmen.  I can't say I feel old per se, but the realization that I'm not exactly young anymore hits me everyday.

The every growing deeper lines on my forehead, and sun spots on my face.  That have occurred thanks to my own stupidity. When I was in my teens & early twenties I proudly and dumbly declared, "Never gonna happen to me" as I slathered Banana Boat oil with MINUS zero SPF all over my face and body.  Yup...I so wish I hadn't been such a dumb ass.  But at the time being 43 years-old seemed implausible.

I mean I know aging is apart of life and yes we can shoot Botox into our faces and lift the skin to make us appear younger.  It doesn't change the fact that time keeps chugging along.

Though I'm active and work out everyday, my joints harshly remind me of my age.  And I also noticed I can't seem to function as well with just a little sleep.  I used to be able to stay up all night and be fine.  Now a days I find myself tired and ready for bed earlier and earlier.  Ahhh the reality!

Anyway, tonight I will see old friends as I head back into the time warp that was 1989.  To which I have to say was an awesome time.  MTV still showed videos all day and night, our hair was super big and we'd spend any money we had on hairspray.  VCR's were still the go to device to record shows/movies, there was no internet, there wasn't a 24-hour cartoon network, nor cable On-Demand or Netflix (if you missed your fave shows and didn't record them, you were majorly screwed) and mobile phones were only used by the very wealthy.

But I absolutely loved that time in my life.  Of course now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, the mistakes I made make me cringe.  But even with that, I don't think I'd want to change it.  I feel blessed that I got to experience the 80's as a kid then as a teenager.  And finished off the decade with graduating high school.  Great memories, that no matter what life has presented us since, I'll never forget them!

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

Behind the Mask - Synopsis

Here's the synopsis for Behind the Mask:


       What appears to be a typical bank robbery is anything but.  It’s Columbus Day in the city of Brotherly Love and when the Bank of Philadelphia is besieged by a group of masked mercenaries, it’s not cash they’re after, it’s five rare pink Argyle diamonds, that are housed inside a safety deposit box.  As the employees become unwitting hostages, things appear to run smoothly until one of the gunmen, 28 year-old Liam Matthews, unexpectedly gets locked inside of the vault with 23 year-old bank teller Remi Catalano.  During this time, she never sees his face or learns his name, but when an undeniable bond forms, Liam will make a fateful decision that will drastically alter the heist’s outcome.  In its aftermath, Remi will have no memory of what transpired while Liam, now a fugitive with the diamonds in his possession, chooses to hide in plain sight.  

Two months following the heist, the captor and his former hostage will inadvertently cross paths again, but without any recollection or having never seen his face, Remi has no idea that Liam is the man behind the mask.  And though he tries not to tempt fate, by initially avoiding her, curiosity along with unforeseen threats, make it next to impossible to distance himself.  But as Remi struggles to regain her memory of that day, Liam’s world begins to unravel.  

As each learns something surprising about the other, and about themselves in the process, in a twist of irony, just who ends up protecting who will ultimately define who they both really are. 

Check it out on Amazon.com

- Heather Carnassale aka the Delusional Novelist

A Self-Published Author!

On Monday, I officially submitted my book, Behind the Mask on Amazon.com.  And yesterday it went "live" and to say I'm nervous would be an understatement.  All these years (6 + to be exact) and time that I put into it, and after almost exactly one year after completing the first draft (November 21, 2013), it's as if a huge weight has been lifted.

All those rejection letters/emails have brought me to this point.  And whether my book is successful or not, I can honestly say I did it myself and didn't QUIT!

It's been a major learning process and though at times definitely not easy and quite tedious, getting over that hurdle and now being to say I actually accomplished something feels fabulous!

The book is available on Amazon.com as an e-book.  If you don't have a Kindle you can download the free Kindle App for Apple products or free Kindle App for Droid or at the Google Play Store

- The Delusional Novelist

Taking a Leap of Faith

Stephsstacks.com

Well after much thought I've decided to self-publish.  As in my previous post, sitting around waiting is crazy. So I'm not going to do it anymore.

As a self-proclaimed unapologetic NON-risk taker, I've got to stop playing it safe and just go for it. So yesterday I set the plan in motion.

After editing the book yet again, I managed to clean it up quite a bit and removed another 2,800 words. Typos, grammatical errors, mistakes, etc.  Knowing the book by heart, I hadn't read it a long time.  So with fresh eyes I started it from the very beginning.  And I was kind of stunned at how many errors there were.  Not that I thought it was perfect, I was just surprised at the stuff I missed.  Simple stuff too.  YIKES!

Anyway, now that that is complete.  There's a whole process of formatting it to put it up on Amazon so it can be read digitally.  Amazon has provided a step-by-step guide...thank goodness!  Not that I thought I would just upload the book and presto it's available to be bought.  But I also didn't realize the little things that would need to be done with it.  So I'm totally learning as I'm going through this.

My goal now is to have it all ready in the next few days.  Then I will set my "baby" out into the world.  Hard to believe after all this time, I'm actually going to do this.

It's daunting but at this point I have nothing to lose.

- The Delusional Novelist

What Am I Waiting For?

Bessauer.com

So the other day I received my 14th rejection from one of the original agents I had sent a query/synopsis to.  I mailed that at the end of June, so it definitely took much longer than I thought to get a response.  At this point I had pretty much resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to hear from the rest of the group.

Which means there are six agents from the original 20 who I haven't heard from.  And I emailed four more a couple weeks ago and haven't heard anything from them...yet!  However, all of those stated that I would not hear anything unless they were interested.  So though I'm not technically folding in the towel I don't have a good feeling about them either.

I've begun to seriously research self-publishing and all that's involved.  I wasn't delusional (no pun intended) in thinking that self-publishing was done in one easy step.  There's definitely more to it than that.  But I feel educating myself on the workings of it is a must.  As it's looking more and more like the route I'm going to take.

To say I'm nervous about putting my novel out there would be an understatement, as it took me a very long time to allow people I know read it.  It wasn't the criticism I was afraid of, it was more because it's my baby, something I created and setting it free so to speak is scary.  But if this is what I really want to do, then I need to make it happen.

I've sat back for months waiting to hear from agents and I have to ask myself...what am I waiting for?  When it might be time for me to stop sitting on it and put it out there myself.

Oh what a conundrum!  *sigh*


- The Delusional Novelist

Sinus Surgery

Back in 1994, at the ripe old age of 23, I had Endoscopic Surgery on my sinuses after suffering with numerous sinus infections.  In fact, I was so bad I felt like a walking infection.

My sinuses were filled with polyps and cysts, so much so that the Ear, Nose and Throat surgeon was shocked when it was time for surgery, because though an CT Scan had shown the problems, there was a good 12 month span from the time I had the scan done to the time I actually had the surgery.

The surgery was only supposed to be about an hour.  But because my sinuses were beyond horrible, it ended up taking 3 hours and I bled something awful.  And the worst part of that surgery, the packing afterwards.  Which resembled oversized cotton tampons.  What was so bad about these harmless things that helped stopped the bleeding?  Getting them removed a few days post-surgery after the blood had practically glued the "tampons" up into my nostrils.  I almost passed out the pain was so horrible.  It was worse than the actual surgery.

Anyway, after all was said and done, I could breath again and my sinus issues disappeared, for awhile that is.  My ENT said because I lived in New Jersey, I'd always have sinus issues due to NJ's not-so-stellar environment.  But this is where I lived so I'd have to deal.

Jump ahead to 2004, when I again began having sinus issues.  Had a CT Scan done and was told there was minimal thickening but wasn't anything major.  And that my ENT could do surgery again where he would go back into the sinuses and just sort of clean them out.  Wouldn't be as invasive as the first one.  But it was clearly my choice, there weren't any polyps or cysts, so I thought I didn't need the surgery and hoped the infections wouldn't get too unbearable.

Jump ahead to 2013.  The sinus infections were back pretty regularly and when I'd get one, they were flu-like.  Meaning they'd knock me down for days.  But I was stubborn and was willing to stick with rounds of antibiotics.  Until in December, when I got to a point where I had a hard time breathing out my nose and felt crappy ALL the time.  In fact, my left nostril was perpetually blocked.  Talk about frustrating.  Well, I went to the local CVS Minute Clinic for a dose of antibiotics but the nurse practitioner suggested I see an ENT instead.

So in January of 2014, I went back to my original ENT but he no longer did surgery, so I ended up seeing a different doctor.  He ordered a CT Scan and the results showed that the dreaded polyps had returned ten fold.  One of those polyps had grown so large, that is was blocking my left nostril hence the reason I couldn't breath.  He put me on Prednisone and a Neti Pot, to see if the polyp would shrink.  But stated, I was probably looking at surgery, cause Prednisone was only a temporary fix.

And with that, on April 2nd, 2014 I had my second endoscopic sinus surgery.  And let me just say HALLELUJAH I'm so glad I did.  Because I felt like a new person afterwards.  Even better, my new ENT used dissolvable packing, not those hideous tampon-like things.  Granted, having that crap drip out of my nose for a couple months after surgery wasn't fun, but that was a much better alternative.  Like the first surgery, he too had to do extensive work, as many polyps took up residency there.

My prognosis...because I'm prone to polyps and had them at such a young age, there's always going to be the tendency for them to return.  So every other day, I'm using the Neti Pot saline irrigation along with an asthma medication that I dissolve into the saline solution.  The asthma meds apparently help keep polyps at bay.  I also have to see my ENT every 6 months, just to stay proactive.  Because if by chance a polyp shows up, the doc can take care of it right away.

I'm currently six months post-op and I'm still feeling great.  It's nice being able to breath normally and to not have to blow my nose a 1,000 times a day or worry that every time I get a cold that a sinus infection will surely follow.  Should have had the second surgery a long time ago, but at least I finally did do it, and have absolutely ZERO regrets!

- The Delusional Novelist

To Sequel or Not to Sequel?

In researching first-time novels, one of the biggest points I apparently missed was that a first-time novel should stand alone.  Meaning it should have a conclusion that wraps up a story.  No loose ends.

Well mine does that...sort of.  My novel can absolutely stand alone.  Leaving the reader to use his/her imagination on what happens next.  But pretty much from the get go, I always knew how I was going to end the story, and wanted to leave it open for a possible sequel.  Mind you, when I first began writing it, I was only writing it for fun.  Never thinking I'd actually ever try to do anything with it.

So without spoiling the ending, I felt there was more story tell, but can't really go into specifics for those that haven't read the novel.

Some people have suggested I write an entire different story and either nix the sequel or go back to it.  But what if my novel gets published, regardless if I do it myself or a publisher does, I would prefer having the sequel ready to go as well.  Just in case.

Guess I will add it to the list of how clueless I am in regards to writing novels.  But I'm learning as I go along.


- The Delusional Novelist

In Search of a Literary Agent - Part 2

Rejection, Rejection, and more Rejection!

That’s pretty much how my search for an agent is going.  When I researched agents, the consensus was it usually takes up to 8 weeks, if not more, for one to respond.  If he/she chooses to respond that is. 

So to my surprise, I received two responses within a couple days of the date I mailed them.  To open the mailbox and spot my self-address stamped envelopes staring back at me, to say I was excited was an understatement.  That said, I was fully prepared for rejections.  Which was a good thing cause that’s what I got.

The first two were actually my query letter sent back to me, with handwritten responses on them.  And both said, “Thanks but not for us.”  No mincing of words that’s for sure.  I wasn’t discouraged, maybe a little disappointed but there were 18 more to go. 

The next two came via email.  And both of those were much more encouraging.  Though rejections as well, they at least said they liked the story but again wasn’t right for them.  And for me not to give up. 

Four rejections…16 to go.

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Throughout the summer I’d get a response here and there with one rejection after another.  And what began as pure excitement to see my self-addressed stamped envelope sitting in the mailbox became something I dreaded.  In fact, I got to where I’d cringe when I’d see one of my own envelopes.  UGH!

Anyway, there was one who absolutely loved the story and though she didn’t handle mainstream (as she pictured it as) she recommended three other agents who might.  She stated that she felt the characters and actually saw it as a potential movie some day.  Which to me was a huge compliment.  So yes it was another rejection, but I felt good about that one.

So how many responses did I get back?  A total 13 out of 20.  And the last few I received at the end of August were simply addressed to:  Dear Author or Dear Writer.  Which made me think they didn’t even read what I sent.  It felt like a stock letter, cold and to the point.

During this process, I’ve learned you better have a thick skin, cause the rejections are many.  But the one thing I took away that’s positive is that not one of the responses said my story sucked.  Which is a good thing.  And for the most part, I was told not to give up. 

And though I haven’t given up.  I’m beginning to think that self-publishing might be what the future holds for me.  Which I’m completely fine with.  I just wanted to try the traditional route first.  And if that doesn't pan out then at least I have the option to self-publish (a luxury authors didn't have years ago).  But for now, I’ve sent out a few more queries via email, and maybe one of those agents will take a chance on my novel.

We shall see.  

- The Delusional Novelist 

In Search of a Literary Agent - Part 1

After I finally had a completed novel and edited it a couple times, the next step was to seek a literary agent.  Because from what I've learned is that publishers do not want you sending them anything directly, you basically need a middle person, hence an agent.

So I signed up for Writersmarket.com which lists and updates numerous agents around the country/world.  It also informs on what each agent is looking for from an author.  For example, some request a synopsis while others want to read the first chapter or two.

And when I say synopsis, they don't want a two sentence description like one would find on the back of a book, they want a full blown "spoil the story" kind of detailing.  And they want roughly anywhere from three to ten pages.  Which when I first sat down to work on the synopsis, I had no idea just how difficult this action was going to be.  But was relieved to find out that many famous authors loathe this process, so that made me feel somewhat better.

Anyway, it took awhile but I managed to explain my entire story in 10-pages. Which in all honesty I think was too long but I couldn't decided what to take out so I just rolled with it.

Agents also request a query letter, which basically gives a brief description of your book, along with some information about you.  Since I'm a first time author with limited writing experience, my query wasn't exactly going to light the world on fire but I figured it wasn't too bad considering I was figuring this out on my own.

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So at the end of June, I mailed my synopsis, along with a query letter, and a self-addressed stamped envelope to 20 potential agents.

I crossed my fingers and waited for the responses.  

- The Delusional Novelist